The daily lives of Shizuo and Izaya
by CrackonKappacumbers
Summary: chapter one is here, with Izuo shower scene kinda in the end of it. it's been ages since kappa has purified it with his kappaness. old story. beware and warned there is CRACK here and there will be less in the end. scene changings. yaoi. shizuo and izaya paired up by force sometimes. mayhem in ikebukuro whenever Izaya comes along, drabbles later maybe. reviews are luv -kappalord


**dug a tunnela and** **you're like a head of cabbage, a lovely head of cabbage c:**

 **this is garbage trash, you may throw me out pls - kappalord**

 ** **elevator music****

 **let's swimacide battle, when you find the trash king and rageball of ikebukuro not fighting like the usual.**

In Ikebukuro 20XX, Tokyo's craziest place to visit, because who doesn't love to get hit by vending machines, rail guards and stop signs.

Izaya Orihara, age twenty three (yeah no you're way older now) -cough forever twenty one cough- when on his merry way to the city of Ikebukuro from his dearest home and office Shinjuku.

For he has nothing else to do at the moment.

"SEX SEX SEX OH" That was not his ringtone.. totally right.

Izaya confirms this as a wild Shizuo Heiwajima appears.

"I challege you to the death. swimacide!" Shizuo says for no absolute reason, he's been watching way too much free abridged.

He shall be the shark in this battle.

"Let's go." Izay plays along just because.

Izaya strips out of his trademark fur trimed jacket

and Shizuo out of his bartender suit "Let's do this."

 **elevator music intermission**

 **I must run for absolutely no reason c:**

One day in the world of talking vegetables and flying vending machines,

Shizou Heiwajima was a lonely man of 60, his days of running the streets of 'Bukuroland were kicked out due to his olderness. Izaya never ages so he is forever 21. But his tomatoe does age with wrikles and bags, that made Izaya sad.

Shizuo wanted to have someone to share his loneliness with as his days slowly drift away. He decided an idea, "I have decided an idea!" Shizuo proudly says aloud to no one in his apartment of one.

Shizuo went to his old Ikebukuro lands of the color gangs to buy some ingredients for his idea to connect with.

There, the streets were full of colour gangs for eye could see with Shizuo's eyes of a geezer's sharpness.

In dear ikebukuro, the colour gangs are still at their fights and Simon still lives and breathes for advertising at russia sushi, and Dennis is still sharping his knifes and slicing fish.

Shizuo got too old to walk now and he must stay in russia sushi foreverrrrr.

 ** ** ** **the end********

 **this idea was never finished :C**

 ** ** ** **he was going to make a potatoebreadman friend********

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **#foreverastoneandalonewithrussiansushimen**************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **elevator music**************

 **I hate you let's have sex!**

Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo are archenemies.

And there goes another day in the land of Ikebukuro a very bored Izaya came to play with a certain monster of Ikebukuro.

"Hi my name is Shizuo and I like to beat up Izaya for no reason." Izaya impersonated Shizuo beautifully.

"Hi, I'm Izaya and I'm the biggest asshole I know, and to defeat my loneliness, I piss off Shizuo who is way better than me and hang out and mess with highschool kids in ikebukuro that I never listen to Shizuo to stay out of." Shizuo replied with a better impersonation of Izaya's life in a nutshell.

As usual, these two are at it again.

"I hate you so much Shizu-chan!"

"Not as much as I hate you, you damn fleabag thing!"

Before he could say another word, Izaya pulled him into a tight embrace.

Izuo moment until two point six seconds later Shizuo regained sense of the situation and punched Izaya into the sky as he flew to Valhalla that kicked him out and back to earth.

"Shizu-shits you suck at romance."

Izaya cries every time, on the inside of course.

 **elevator music**

 **Time skip to shower scene because lion king 3 reference with digging tunnels,**

 **What do you do when you see a hyena?**

 **Screamm mommmy! c:**

 **That's right mister.**

 **The world's full of them.**

 **Flock with danger.**

 **Flock, I tell you.**

 **They'll rip us limb from limb. c: -uncle Max the hero.**

 **Izuo shower scene sex-ish coming your way, stop if you wish for no memory erasing in the end c:**

Insert Shizuo and Izaya in a bathroom.

Shizuo had once thought of this as the perfect complement to a weekend spent in with your partner, the fabled shared shower.

Call him simpleminded, but the plentiful skin, torrents of hot water streaming over every muscle, and two bodies pressed into one small space sounded pretty decent.

Decent enough for his imagination to run while when he used that as situational fodder for his solo explorations.

It was one of those sex clichés, a classic though, one that never grew old in media, especially the yaoi channel.

Fucking with Izaya however, meant a death to all of his fantasies. And maybe a better one for Erika, but then again there was the top and bottom war in episode 25. Oh no breaking the fourth wall. Anyways Izaya's top here.

He wasn't in control in those situations, no matter whose particular body parts got stuck where in the end.

The informant held a sway over him that Izaya couldn't begin to explain, let alone slip out of.

As good as it was, no encounter ever turned out like he would have envisioned it beforehand. The guy was constantly surprising him, tweaking at Shizuo in crafty ways until he melted into pure nothingness.

Along with a good help of teasing, that was. Which kind of explained the nuisance that the raven was being now.

"Be sure you wash behind your ears, Shizu-chan" Izaya murmured playfully before sinking his teeth into Shizuo's right shoulder.

Surrounding them was the spray of the shower, boiling both their blood and generating an alluringly slick quality to their skin.

Abaft, he could feel the lines of Izayas erection pressed against the small of his back, every now and then pushing in with a gentle rhythm.

Shizuo felt hot. And not in a normal way with the weather.

Too hot, like his brain wasn't able to function properly. He couldn't be too sure if it was the water's temperature or just fatigue from being pushed to his mental limit by the bastard rutting against him.

"Will you just shut up?" he gritted out through clenched teeth.

If he could kill Izaya with only the power of a thought, he'd be taking that opportunity right now. Because Shizuo never has his strength in these stories not matter what.

Who in their right minds says something a mother would say, in this kind of situation?

"I'll give you a choice, Shizu-chan. Either I'll shut up, or I'll give you something else to scream about. Do choose wisely _dear_." Izaya sounds weird :c

"Excuse me?!" Shizuo spat out.

"This offer is only valid for a short time, so act now," Izaya parroted an infomercial, secretly grinning into the nape of Shizuo's neck, nose nudging against the silky strands of his moistened hair.

When he received no discernible response from the taller male trembling with repressed fury before him, he delicately clarified, "That means quickly, in case you were wondering protozoan."

The blonde didn't care. There was no way he was answering a sketchy question like that, being fully aware of the intent behind the two 'options.'

"Oops, would you look at that~?" He then felt izaya's presence very close to his ear, the informant's heated breaths streaming across the tender planes of his skin.

His pulse shot up by several stages as his mind began to catch up with his mistakes. Even so, he didn't put up his defenses quite soon enough for them to be effective.

"…Offer's expired." And now cue hot shower sex.

With that, his torso met the tiled other wall of the shower, and all in the same breath, he found himself inexplicably full, gapped wide on the breadth of the informant's cock.

Unable to counter the impulse, he trilled out a jagged moan. For the hottest point of it all was where Izaya's length rubbed against his inner walls, stirring him up from the core while he stood there, a pleasured-out shell.

Shizuo really hated the guy sometimes, stratched that, all of the time, and there was many a fantasy that got ruined on Izaya's account, but there did exist a trade-off.

He had this incredible talent for taking the unimaginable and making a person feel it so vibrantly that you felt as if any dream could become real.

 **Yes, what have I done.**

 **#it is not a true otp unless they have tried to kill each other at least once - shizayalove**

 **Kappa shall erase your minds now c: *purifies you with a kappacumber***

 **you see nor read nothing.**

 **shh hm hm hm.**

 **-kappalord**


End file.
